4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
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