Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
