She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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