Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
