she was so not down for the gang bang
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
