I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
