John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
