Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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