And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
