I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
How's your threesome situation going?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.