I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.