come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.