is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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