Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
