How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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