high people should be assigned attendants
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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