she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
