8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
