Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i've created a new STD.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
