don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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