a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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