i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
