Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
