We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
