i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
