So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
