It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
