Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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