I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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