you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
