I wanna bring you to show and tell
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
