maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
