Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize