Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
