i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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