At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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