i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
