she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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