I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You've changed since you got that strap on
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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