I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize