so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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