i just wanna soil my oats bro
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
