Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He has the fingertips of a God
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