If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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