yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
