i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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