Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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