does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
