it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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