Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
