I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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