I'm gonna have a badass scar
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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