Its about making memories worth repressing
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
