I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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