I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
