Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
