threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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