i just wanna soil my oats bro
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
