come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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