my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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