Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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