why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
