After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Fuck appropriateness.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
