Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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