I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
