Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
