OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
