dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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