omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Of course I have a pirate flag
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize