T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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